Setting the record straight.......

I felt like I should get some random thoughts off my chest. Consider this my way of telling the world to clean up their act or I'll do it for them.

-If you are one of those people that are under the age of 70 and still wear velcro-strip tennis shoes, please go to the nearest shoe store and get a new pair of shoes! It's obviously understandable to get those velcro shoes if you have troubles tying your laces, but there are some people that simply wear them for all the wrong reasons.

-If you are one of those people that drink and drive a boat on the Lake of the Ozarks, please consider sobering up a bit next time. Estimates from the Missouri Water Patrol are that 30% of nightime boaters on Lake of the Ozarks are legally drunk. During the day, estimates run in the 20% range. If you do head out on the lake, be sure you have the boat equivalent of a SUV. One more good reason to stay at the house and swim off the dock.

-Is there some type of unwritten rule that the sale racks at women's clothing stores must be packed full of clothes in order to be considered a sales rack? It's no wonder that women's stores often end up with clothes strewn all over the place. It's impossible to get anything off the rack without knocking off two other additional hangers in the process.

-I found out from my financial advisor some sobering news. If I want to retire at 60, live until 100 and want to have $120,000/year (in 2006 dollars) for every year I'm retired, I have to have $8.7 million dollars saved in one form or another by the year 2034. In order to move toward that goal, I'm eating 99 cent frozen meals for lunch for the rest of my natural life.

-I have determined through careful research within my home that pregnant women do not actually eat for 2 as has previously been suggested. They actually eat for 1 1/2. I thought it was important to make that clarification.

-Note to the media: Just because a heat wave migrates across the country to the east coast does not make it a top news story. It's August. 100 degree heat happens all of the time. It's not like this is a new phenomenon. If you don't like heat, stop paving over every available foot of land on the East Coast.