Dubious impressions........

I went in to the dentist office yesterday to get some impressions done. That's the process where they stick a big pile of slimy pink stuff in your mouth and 30 seconds later, it comes out as a perfect mold of your teeth. It's really not fun and somewhat icky (for lack of a better word).

I get to the office and find just one lady taking care of the whole place. My dentist has two offices and evidently they're all at the other office. This lady is evidently the one that does impressions and helps out with some of the cosmetic procedures.

Attractive girl in her 20s who's pretty flirtatious. She sits me down in the chair and starts some side-chatting.

Lady: So, how are you today?

Me: Great.

Lady: Outstanding. My name is Susan and I'll be doing the impressions for you today. Here's the remote. I'm not sure how to get the TV to work. I'll let you give it a try.

I fumbled around with the remote while she was out of the room. Couldn't get it to work. She eventually came back in.

Lady: So, you couldn't get it to work either? Bet you thought I was just the dumb blond who doesn't know anything about technology!

She pushed a few buttons and finally got the TV to work, but there was no sound. She left it on a luau show on the Travel Channel.

Lady: Ah, well. Hawaii's nice, even without sound. So, do you have any kids?

Me: Yep, I have a 7 month old.

Lady: Boy or girl?

Me: Girl.

Lady: AWWWWWWWWWWW! What's her name?

Me: Kali.

Lady: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! I bet she's a cutie. I have a 5 and 7 year old. Love 'em. OK, we're ready to do the first impression. I'll go ahead and put a bib on you and treat you like a baby!

At this point, she had loaded up this impression thing full of pink goop and was ready to do the impression. At this point, I made a comment that I didn't think fully through until after I said it..........

Me: Are you going to stick that whole thing in my mouth?

Lady: (laughing at my comment) Yep!!!! Are you one of those people that gags when it's put in your mouth?

Me: Ummmmm, I don't know.

Lady: Well, just breathe through your nose and don't think about what's going on.

I'm not sure I need to comment any further about the above conversation. The best thing was that I had no way of talking any more at that point with the impression mold in my mouth. I was drooling all over my bib while staring at the ceiling trying not to toss my cookies all over myself. Meanwhile, the lady is still smiling and occasionally giggling from our previous conversation.

Lady: OK, all done! Thanks for not throwing up on me!

Me: Not a problem. It was the least I could do.

She did the other bottom impression without any issues. She let me rinse out my mouth and sent me on my way with a smile and a wave. I'm pretty sure that I was the butt of multiple jokes at her home last night. I suppose it's my special way of bringing joy into other people's lives.

***sigh***

Thus, the great crusade begins.........

Beginning tonight, I embrace my parental independence for an extended period of time. Mrs. Lime is heading out to Baltimore for a medical conference, so I'm going to be Mr. Mom for the next 3 days and nights. It will be a long and arduous task, one fraught with great peril (i.e. poopy diapers and spit-up). I will have to bring my 'A+' game to vanquish the tyrannical foe otherwise known as a baby's short attention span. The weapons against this foe include funny faces, bad dancing, lots of 'patty-cake', and several trips to play with the dog laying across the room.

If you don't see many posts in the coming few days, fear not. It's likely that I've been beaten by my itty-bitty nemesis to the point of silence. Mrs. Lime will likely come home to find two people sprawled out on the couch. One daddy and one baby, both having pushed each other to the point of exhaustion over the course of 3 days. However, if Kali 0.7 and I do survive the weekend, we will likely be awarded the 'LPABPCGA' medal (that's the Little People And Big People Can Get Along' medal for those who might be unaware). I hope that my 'mini-me' and I are able to succeed and conquer this difficult challenge. Wish us luck.

Big development in the poker community.........

Amazing development that will likely change the poker landscape as we know it. A 18 year old Norwegian woman has become the first ever woman to win a main event World Series of Poker bracelet. This is a huge development in the world of poker on three levels.

First, it should provide a monumental boost to female interest in the game. Poker, despite having no barriers to entry regarding sex, is still generally played by men. Most tournaments have at least 90% of the entrants being men. A boost in the female poker population is sorely needed as it's an untapped market thus far. With a woman finally breaking through to win a main event, the interest in poker will grow exponentially, much like the growth in amateurs playing the game after an unknown amateur named Chris Moneymaker won the WSOP main event in 2003.

Second, there's going to be a large influx of both online and live female poker players, especially in Europe. Annette (the woman who won the tournament) is likely to get a contract from an online poker site between $10-20 million dollars. That's an insane amount, but the number of players that she will draw to a website will pay for that contract in a year, if not sooner. It's great for poker because it draws women in to play the game and it also brings more money to the tables.

Third, it may well be the final straw in the battle to legalize online gaming in the U.S. The European countries are likely to see a massive inflow of tax dollars from the increased poker play and resulting tax dollars. There are currently two bills in the U.S. Congress that would legalize online gaming, regulate the industry and tax it. As the revenue from these forms of gaming continues to increase, lawmakers will be pressed further by lobbies and constituents to tax the online gaming in the U.S. that is currently going untaxed. The sooner the U.S. government removed the online gaming prohibition, the better for both the poker community and the tax income of the U.S.

Here's the article from CNN:

Norway's 18-Year-Old Annette Obrestad Stuns Poker World With 1 Million Pounds Sterling Win In First World Series of Poker(R) Europe


LONDON, Sept. 16 -- Annette Obrestad became the youngest bracelet winner in World Series of Poker history early today by conquering the Main Event at the first annual WSOP Europe.

The 18-year-old Norwegian played masterfully over the course of the five- day 10,000 pounds buy-in No-Limit Texas Hold'Em Championship, outlasting a field that included the strongest showing of professionals in European poker history.

"I never expected to win," said the composed and articulate Obrestad, who turns 19 in just one day. "I'm speechless. I really don't know what to say."

"In the end, the Europeans dominated here," said WSOP Commissioner Jeffrey Pollack. "But this is the start of a new tradition for the World Series of Poker and the European and global poker communities. WSOP Europe will provide more exciting action in the years to come and we're confident poker greats from all over the world - and across the generations - will shine here, just as they have in Las Vegas."

Obrestad's win capped a series that saw European players - make that young European poker players - shut out veteran American professionals by winning all three WSOP bracelets up for grabs. Her victory over 22-year-old John Tabatabai of London came when her three sevens beat his two pair.

Obrestad won the 1 million pounds, or $2,013,102, first-place prize and the most coveted prize in all of gaming, a World Series of Poker 18-karat gold and jewel-encrusted bracelet created by luxury Swiss watchmaker CORUM, the official timepiece of the WSOP. Tabatabai earned £570,150, or $1,147,770, for second place.

With her performance, Obrestad's payday snapped two records held by poker pro Annie Duke. The first was Duke's one-day-old record as the first woman to exceed $1 million in official WSOP winnings, thanks to her 21st place finish in the WSOP Europe Main Event. Duke's 30,770 pounds, or $61,943, payday saw her edge just over the $1 million earnings mark. Duke also held the single- event record win for a woman with her $2 million winner-take-all victory in the 2004 Tournament of Champions staged by Harrah's Entertainment.

Time for some new teeth.......

Went to the dentist yesterday to get checked out. The dentist himself did the teeth cleaning, which was a nice touch. Most of them leave all that to their assistants. The new dentist has individual flat screen TV's on each chair (with remote control!) and was taking digital x-ray films that immediately downloaded to the computer. Pretty cool stuff.

I was warned by my dentist that there was going to be a patient in the room next to mine that may be a problem. She had evidently caused the assistants a lot of problems the last time she was in, so the dentist was prepared to toss her out of the office if she created similar problems. He said he had never done that before, but this lady was over the top. Thankfully, she behaved relatively well, although she did complain quite a bit.

The dentist plans on giving me some new teeth in a couple of weeks. My front two teeth are false from an accident as a child. My sister and I were at the bus stop right after a big ice storm. Everything was glazed in ice. My sister started walking up the curb and using it like a treadmill. I decided to do the same thing. Unfortunately, my feet slipped out from under me and I went teeth-first into the driveway, busting out my two front teeth. I've had my current teeth for about 15-20 years, so it's time to get some new ones. Hopefully, these teeth will last another 20 years.

Busy-bodies............

Mrs. Lime and I had a busy weekend. We went to a fancy bar downtown on Friday night to meet with some of Mrs. Lime's friends. Had a great time. Kali 0.7 came along for the ride and loved the bar, which had a lot of back lighting under the bar, causing the bar to glow. She kept smacking it with her hands and staring at the bartenders. I'm sure they don't have a 7 month old belly-up to the bar that often.

Saturday, we dove into some projects that really needed to get done. Mrs. Lime organized her office and I cleaned up stuff in the spare bedroom that will eventually be Kali's new bedroom once she's old enough to sleep in a bed. It was badly needed. It's one of those things that you have to actually focus a free day to get done with a baby in the house. Otherwise, it will never get done.

Yesterday, I headed out to the Chiefs' home opener. We went over to tailgate with one of my fraternity brothers. Great food. They had grilled marinated chicken breasts and fresh curly fries cooked on-site. We also played redneck golf. It's a variant of horseshoes. You drill a hole in 2 golf balls and then attach them with a rope. Then you try to throw the rope and balls over a contraption similar to a clothes drying rack. I won my first game, proving that it's luck more than any acquired skills. I may consider building a set. It was a lot of fun and easy to learn.

Oh, and the Chiefs won. Finally picked up a win. Their division looks terrible at this point, so the Chiefs may still be in it. I'll hold out hope until proven otherwise.

Lime versus 'The Artist'..........

Mrs. Lime and I went over last night to a photo studio to get some pictures taken. Most of the photos were obviously concentrated on the lovely Kali 0.7. Mrs. Lime and I were there for some token photos just to make sure that there was some pictoral record of us ever being there.

The studio was a loft apartment with one end of it converted into a photo studio. Several computers in the area for them to work their photo magic. Mrs. Lime had set up the entire thing and talked with them, so I had no idea what to expect. We immediately started with a brief sit-down discussion where the lady asked what we wanted. Mrs. Lime mentioned a few things and just said that she liked the casual nature of their photos. Little did I know how casual it would get!


Lady: Well, with babies, we focus on naked pictures.

Me: (puzzled look shot at lady)

Lady: Let me show you all some examples.

Me: Ummmmmm, I don't think we need a bunch of naked photos.

Lady: Well, let me show you some of what we've done.......

Me: No, I don't think we want any naked photos.

Lady: I'm not sure what the point is if the baby isn't naked.


It's at this point that I decide to internalize my dialogue. In my head, I'm thinking "You'll shoot pictures of my baby in her cute sun dresses and you'll like it!". Listen, I get the whole 'pictures as art' thing that she wanted to do. But if I'm footing the bill, you're going to take the pictures that Mrs. Lime and I want, not that you think would be artsy-fartsy.

I noticed the lady's husband go into evasive maneuvers as he said, "I'm going to go into the studio to set things up". That was his way of running away from the situation as quickly as possible because it didn't take a genius to figure out I was not too interested in his wife's opinion at that point. Smart man.

Once we finally did get in the studio, the man did the photo shoot and did a really good job. He chatted with me about photos and how to get good ones. He worked some artistic stuff into the photos while getting some good pictures that showed off our baby. I noticed that the lady left the photo shoot about halfway through to do other things. I think she was just peeved that I didn't agree with her 'vision' of the photo shoot, but I didn't really care too much.

I'd still use them for future photos. The photos were excellent from what I saw. That's all that matters in the end. Stick a big baby photo on the wall and enjoy. I fear the grandparents may have a heyday with the proofs.

Bathroom: Library or Bedroom?

Too often in the workplace, I've seen men go into the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine and just disappear for 15-30 minutes. It's one thing to use the facilities for what they're intended, but it's another thing when people simply take a half-hour out of their 8 hour workday to do nothing more than read periodicals.

When I was at a large corporation in the past, we actually had a guy that took it to a new level. He would go into the bathroom and enter a stall. He would then somehow position himself in that stall and literally go to sleep, sometimes for a few hours at a time. It worked well for awhile, until one of our major executives happened to go into the bathroom while he was sleeping. He would have got away with it if he didn't have a major snoring problem. Needless to say, he was terminated shortly thereafter.

In my current workplace, they've created a new deterrent to men who might want to read (or sleep) in the bathroom. It's likely a unfixed problem, but the air-conditioning in that bathroom runs non-stop. As a result, I'd be shocked if it was a degree above 50 degrees F in that bathroom. It's borderline arctic weather. I go in, do my business, and get out. If I stay too long, I feel ice start to form in my veins. My fingers start to get numb. It's not pretty, but there's no way most people would want to hang out too long in there. If you do, bring a coat.

What exit?????

I'll preface this post with some info from a recent study. It found that women speak 3 times as many words in one day as a man does. Also, women reportedly become very frustrated when their volume of words is not reciprocated by their spouse. Given that the vast majority of the population is heterosexual, it's pretty obvious that there's going to be a lot of verbally unfulfilled women in the world. I guess that's why they hang out with girlfriends and talk with each other on the phone all the time.

Mrs. Lime and I have been increasingly chatty lately in the car. It's one of the few places we can chat without having to run somewhere in the house to do something for the baby. I suppose we just have a lot to talk about, but I'm willing to speak 50% more than the average male (which still leaves me lagging behind my spouse in total words per day). Unfortunately, I'm usually the one driving when we're going somewhere.

The problem is that I seem to be missing exits on a regular basis. I missed two exits just last night because of conversations with Mrs. Lime. I remember two other times within the last month where I missed an exit as well. It's some sort of new phenomenon, as I honestly didn't do it that much before. As much as Mrs. Lime likes to chat, I'm going to have to focus more on watching for my exit. I'm taking the 'scenic route' far too often.

I finally took the plunge........

I splurged to get a fancy new digital camera.

My old digital camera worked for what we needed, but the shutter speed just wasn't quick enough for my daughter. I've ended up with pictures lately that have blurring in them because Kali 0.7 refuses to sit still for a picture. So I picked up a digital Rebel EOS off the internet and it arrived Saturday. There's a ridiculous amount of options on the camera, so I'm going to have to take some pictures to get the hang of things and figure out what each one does. I should be a professional in no time.

Kali 0.7 picture blowout.........

It's a mini-blowout, but it is a pretty good set of pictures.

Hanging with her favorite puppy dog.......





Showing off her first bikini.......



Standing on her own, using the table for balance.......





Ready for her first Tiger football game!!!!

Donor cycles........

On the way home yesterday, there was a slowdown on the interstate. In the middle median against the concrete barrier, there was a wrecked motorcycle laying on the ground. As I later read in the KC paper, this guy was driving the motorcycle with a woman on the back. He was weaving in and out of traffic at over 100 MPH and was spotted by a police helicopter. The police eventually pulled him over, but then he got the bright idea to recklessly take off again and run from the police. He eventually wrecked. Of course, the man only had minor injuries with the woman getting the worst of the injuries. They're lucky that they both aren't dead.

I think my new first question for Kali 0.7's future boyfriend will be whether he rides a motorcycle or not. If so, he's out the door and I'll worry about consoling Kali later.

Kali 0.7 video blowout........

OK, so it's only one video, but it's a good one. You'll note that several times, Kali 0.7 looks to the right of the pole on her play gym. You probably wonder why I would take a video that shows her back. Well, if you look closely, you'll see that she has a purpose. She's actually repeatedly looking that way to admire her reflection in the fireplace glass. A diva in training to be sure.

Kali 0.7 video

Poker and playtime.......

We held our monthly poker tourney this past weekend. I actually played just about as well as I could and finished one spot out of the money. Just falls that way sometimes I suppose. I had a good run of cards at one point and a horrible run of cards the next. That happens when you play that many hands over the course of a few hours.

Kali 0.6 showed off some new skills yesterday. First, I got her to hand me a small toy by holding out my hand and then gave it back to her. It wasn't a 100% success rate by any means, but it was pretty obvious that she was getting the hang of it.

The placement advancement continued later when I got out a set of stackable toys. She managed to grab one of the trays from the top of the toy and remove it. Then, much to my surprise a few minutes later, she put the tray back in its original position at the top of the stack. The toy played some music when she put it back and I praised her for doing it. She was pretty excited, though I'm sure most of the excitement was just that I was giving her praise rather than any connection by her between the action and the praise. She loves attention, and she got plenty of it for that effort.

Chaos at night...........

We had a pretty vicious storm rip through our area late last night. As a result, everyone came running for the bedroom. Nova 7.5 scurried from the bathroom over to the floor next to the bed once the first bolt of lightning was heard in the distance. He wanted to make sure he was nearby us in case the entire house imploded as he believed it would.

Kali 0.6 doesn't have too much of an issue with thunder. However, last night's storm had some hellacious wind that was blowing the rain sideways into the window, making a lot of noise. She let out a pretty good scream once that started. Mrs. Lime headed in and got her and brought her back to the bedroom. Once she laid in bed for a minute and figured out that she was safely between us, she quickly fell asleep as well.

So, after about 15 minutes of chaos in the house, the rest of the night was quiet and everyone slept soundly. Just another normal night in the Lime house.

Everyone is important.......

Never assume that a small gesture is one that goes unrewarded...........


Dirk Hayhurst is a 26-year-old righthanded reliever in the Padres system who has spent parts of three seasons at high Class A Lake Elsinore.

Though he made it all the way to Triple-A Portland last season, Hayhurst began this year back with the Storm, officially making him a California League veteran.

But after going 0-1, 1.80 at the Lake, Hayhurst was promoted to Double-A San Antonio in early May, and made two appearances at Triple-A Portland before settling into the Missions' bullpen. Currently, Hayhurst is 3-1, 3.77 in 45 innings in the Texas League.

The 2003 eighth-round pick out of Kent State is writing a diary for Baseball America this season, delving into the side of the minor leagues fans seldom see.

A mother brought her son past the bullpen a few days back. As they approached, we instinctively acted as if our attention was wrapped up in the game; looking away from them, avoiding eye contact.

They made their way directly to us, eyes trained on us, hoping to catch our attention. Soon they had closed the distance and were standing right in front of us, staring expectantly through the fencing with wide eyes and nervous smiles.

"Hello," said the mother. We said nothing in return and continued to act as if we couldn't see or hear her. She stumbled at our coldness, and cast hear eyes around sadly. She looked at her son, who never took his eyes off us, smiled, and then mustered enough courage to try again.

I can't explain to you what its like to avoid someone on purpose. When I write about the concept it just seems too rude and heartless. Maybe it is, but I still do it all the time. In my line of work, sometimes you have to ignore people. You have to tune out the noise of the game. There is no shortage of kids who want balls just because some other kid got one. No shortage of folks who want scraps signed with illegible autographs because everyone else is doing it. No shortage of begging, and pleading for stuff they don't really need, just want because someone else has.

Besides, my signature is just that: words written across something to spell my name. And my name is not important (hence, non-prospect diaries!). Yet to baseball fans, signatures are very important. They're so important in fact, even the mascot signs balls. It doesn't even have to be my name, or a name at all, just the fact we players scribbled on a scrap for fan is enough. Its all about the context.

For me, it's a dead ritual, and doesn't make sense. Maybe this is because I know who I am. Because everyday I see the mistakes and shortcomings I deal with that humanize me. I disagree that I am somehow more valuable because I do this job. Fans however, see my clean uniform and their boyhood dreams incarnate. When my hand presses a pen to paper, they find it magical. I don't understand why this works the way it does, but its lack of logic in no way negates the reality of it.

"My son," said the mother as she looked at her boy, "would really like to meet you."

Again, she smiled nervously and again she was met with silence.

After a moment I broke and said hello to the young boy. He smiled and tried to hide behind his mom like young kids do when they are nervous. Mom asked him if he could be a big boy and say hello in return? He did, in a mute voice, then ducked behind his mother again. I bent down at the fence to get on the boy's level, steadying myself with one hand on the links. As I did this, the mother knelt down quickly and put her hand on mine. My comfort zone was just violated, but before I could say anything, she spoke, in a soft and sad voice saying, "My son has liver cancer. It's terminal. He really wanted to do this before . . . um, thank you so much for taking the time to talk with him."

I was silent again, but this time for a different reason. I stared at the young boy, then at his mother whose face was serious and stalwart. The fellas around me had started talking with the young boy where I left off, though they were unaware of his condition. I walked away from the scene and over the some of the guys and whispered what I was just told. We looked at each other and, without a word of discussion, scooped up the youngster and placed him the pen with us.

We sat him down in one of our chairs and took seats around him. There he sat while we lavished him with attention. We asked him about everything a young boy loves to talk about: toys, baseball, candy, parks, games . . . We acted amazed at his stories and affirmed how he would become a big leaguer someday. We made him feel special, because he is. Finally, when our time was up and he had to go, without request or prompting, we produced a baseball and signed it for him.

When we gave the boy that ball, there was no dead ritual involved. Our names were no longer scribbles to be collected, and the ball was no longer a souvenir. That baseball was now a letter, and each signature was a testament of hope, encouragement, and joy. I can't explain to you how much happiness it gave that mother and her son to share those moments with us.

I still can't explain why people treat us so special for putting on a baseball uniform. But in those few moments together, it didn't really matter--in those few moments, baseball made perfect sense.

Link to article in Baseball America

How to make a bad first impression..........

I went in to assist on an interview yesterday for an open position in our group at work. One other person went in with me to interview the candidate. He was a man in his upper 40s who had nearly 20 years of work experience.

My first note of caution was that he moved around quite a bit in his jobs. We asked him about it and he just noted that most of them were short-term contract positions that weren't supposed to last that long. Fair enough.

We had another question that we were required to ask by our company.......

Co-worker: Can you cite a situation where there was conflict and how you dealt with that situation?

Applicant: Well, there was this one time where my neighbors were being really noisy.

Me: Ah.......

Applicant: They were really getting on my nerves. So I stood up at my desk and started to bang loudly on the cabinets to get their attention to get them to shut up.

Me: Oh, I see. So how did you resolve the situation.

Applicant: Well, I'm not sure it was ever really resolved. I think they just got the picture that I was pretty pissed off and they stopped talking.

Me: (stunned)

Co-worker: Alright, on to the next question..........


Needless to say, we won't be hiring this guy for the open position. I'm guessing that he might have a bit of a temper and a total lack of control of that temper.

Another corrupting weekend with her dad.......

Mrs. Lime worked most of the holiday weekend, so Kali 0.6 had a whole lot of time to spend with her dad. Obviously never a good sign as her dad knows far too many goofy things that she should never learn.

I think Kali's teeth are hurting her a bit right now. She sometimes starts crying out of nowhere when she bites down on something and has trouble going to sleep every now and then. We give her some stuff for the pain, but I'm sure it's still a bit annoying to her. I had the magic touch a few weeks back on getting her to sleep. It appears now that Mrs. Lime has that magic touch and that I lost it. I'm sure I'll get it back at some point.

Kali also is showing more emotions in regards to being scared. Loud noises don't bother her quite as much as unexpected noises. If something catches her off guard, she'll get a wild look in her eyes. I took Kali through a car wash at 2 months and it didn't phase her at all. I took her through a car wash the other day and she went nuts. Note to self: Don't do that again.

She's also learning to show more emotion towards Mrs. Lime and I. She now likes to give and get hugs and rub heads with Mrs. Lime and I. She loves all the attention. She goes nuts (in a good way) any time Nova enters the room. She gets extremely excited and starts screaming. It used to scare Nova, but he appears to just shrug it off at this point.

I'm sure there will be a whole new list of things she does in a couple of weeks.